In any given year, there are things we can control and there are things we can’t.
This year, for me, there happened to be a few more things that I couldn’t control than I could which meant that the fine balance between feeling in control and feeling like my entire world – like THE entire world – was falling apart was teetering and skewing more to one side than normal.
It also meant that big decisions needed to be made; courses needed correcting; priorities needed sorting and boundaries needed to be drawn more than ever. Knowing what I know about the energy of the universe during this time, I’d say I wasn’t the only one who has had a challenging year, and needed to make some decisions.
I’ve been off social media for the most part of the year to get my head straight.
I needed the solace that inwardness brings.
I was super busy being alone. I was super busy working with people to help me figure this all out. (Help is imperative in moments like these.)
I needed to realign myself in this world – my new world that I was co-creating.
Perhaps it’s partly having been an actress my entire life, or perhaps it’s just a core belief of mine, but I really feel it’s important to have your outer self reflect the person you want to be or are becoming. Many of you notice how often I change my hair – this is a reflection of how often I question myself and who I want to become.
So, I’ve done it again, but this time, more than just my hair.
I’ve cut and dyed my hair in a way that reflects a strength, playfulness and whimsy that I want to embody. I’ve carved my body (with the direction of the divine Michelle Burleson of No Fail Physique Transformation for Women – who also designed the shirt I’m wearing) to reflect a leanness, sexiness and strength that I want to project. I’ve bought clothes that remind me to have fun, stand out and not give a shit. I’ve deleted the thousands of Instagram photos on my timeline.
And, all to be changed, if I choose.
It’s time to fly my freak flag. It’s time to out myself. I’m not normal, you guys. Never have been, as much as I tried to be.
(Hint: none of us really are normal).
I want to spend my time creating.
It’s time to leave corporate after a decade (!!) in advertising and marketing.
I’m so grateful for my time at the New York Times. I wouldn’t be where I am without them. It was one of the greatest learning experiences of my life, and helped me realize I can play with the big boys and girls. It helped me realize I can continue to on my own terms. I’ve made incredible friends and allies.
Liz McDonald said in my comments when I first joined NYT and was majorly feeling imposter syndrome:
“What about if things get even better?! Maybe it’s beyond your imagination at this time, but as your imagination grows, your reality follows.”
I’ve thought about that comment this entire time. I believe this for all of us.
I really defined another passion of mine – working on women’s issues – through helping to start the international version of the Women’s Network for the NYT & mentoring young women at the American Chamber of Commerce.
I believe we have all been born with a raison d’être (or multiple), and for me, it is and has always been to write, to create, to act, to produce and direct shit that matters to me (just a few things) and to work with people I love.
I just wasn’t ready to admit it 100%. I wasn’t ready to step into it 100%.
Now, I am ready.
And, perhaps, all with the help of divine timing.
So many projects coming your way. Stay tuned.
One final note – moving forward, I’d like to believe that we don’t need to struggle to grow. None of us do.
I will believe that for me and for you, if you need me to.
Happy New Year.
I’m excited to travel to reinvention land with you again.