Did I mention I was back in England?
I am! It’s our good friends, Gemma and Liam’s, wedding in a small town at the very West of Wales called Pembrokeshire. We’re stopping off in Portsmouth back at Jock’s parents house before picking up Tommo and Greg in Bristol, and then heading off to the wedding.
I don’t remember everything being so small. I mean, I do, but I think I thought I had imagined it. But no, the houses and cars and streets and buildings all remain very small, and dare I say it? Quaint…
The past months have been a learning time for me – learning to readjust to working life, learning how to live in the midwest, and almost re-learning a bit of my independence. When we lived in England, I was very reliant on Jock for most everything – directions, money, car, friends, social life and support.
Now that we’re back in the states, a lot of that has changed. We’re both working, I am making my own friends, as is he, and we don’t have a car, so directions aren’t needed. It feels good to reclaim that, and now that I’m back in England, I feel like I’m looking at it all with fresh eyes – the past, England, his family and what it was like to live here. I could certainly live here again…
I don’t often admit this, but I think there was a bit of shame in me living off someone almost completely. Granted, I was writing my novel, and tending to my running, etc…but in the back of your mind, you can’t help but feel a bit useless for not bringing in money or contributing in that way. Jock, at this point, would shrug and say ‘it was what it was,’ and we had to make ends meet, and I would have done the same, etc. All very true, but as much as you tell yourself that, it still feels (for lack of a better word) icky.
I look forward to seeing all of our old friends and reconnecting.
I can’t say what it is yet, but there are more changes to come in the next year. Everything feels so exciting.
I was watching the movie, “The Adjustment Bureau” on the plane ride over here (while the woman next to me rested her baby on my lap and took a nap, and her other son screamed in my other ear…and did I mention the 50 Americans all wearing purple shirts that literally had a big crown on it with the words “What Makes a Man a King?” – embarrassing) -
ANYwho…the movie, “The Adjustment Bureau,” is mostly about these “angels” or “men in suits” who tinker with a human’s free will. They adjust events so that everything goes “according to plan.” I’ve often felt this throughout my life, why I dropped my bottle of water on the way to the plane, or bigger events – like walking down a back alley in Amsterdam only to run into old friends from LA, or in September walking into LaGuardia just at the moment that my 2005 roommate from Paris was flying out – but I really do feel like there are angels who have my back, and steering me down the right course.
But more on that later…(and why my plans are coming together)
Now, it’s time for some tea.
P.S. I got into the country safely, obviously. I was questioned by the guard, but he said I would probably have to be detained each time because of the Visa that got denied a few years back. Such silly legal advice we got. But he was very nice, and said that the more often I come into the country, the better it will be.