These are some of the Google searches that people have done in the last 14 days to land on my blog. These searches either mean that I cover a wide variety of ideas or it means that I should surely narrow down my topics of discussion. Just to give you an idea. I’ll categorize them all based on keywords. But before I do, I’d like to set the scene for the searches. Sitting at a desk, on the computer, typing words into google. Got it? Just in case you weren’t sure how that all worked. But for me, picturing the person who is doing the search gives me a bit more of a chuckle.
Searches related to my extremely large ass. You would think the internet would be a little more polite and subtle about my derriere. But hey, I post one picture stating how big my butt appears to be and I guess I have to live with the consequences. I now have men (or women) around the world coming across my blog for that one asset (pun definitely intended).
- “big butt” and “big butt photo“- Simply put. This searcher went straight to the point. A bit general, but were still able to find me.
- “big butt ladies“- OK, now getting a little more specific. This searcher would prefer big butts on the female sex rather than just any ole big ole butt.
- “big butt girl fight” – Wow. Not sure if I really know what this search even means. Are they speaking of flatulence perhaps? Or simply women with large buttocks scrapping? Strange, but OK I’ll go with it. Now must find relevance in blog…Anyone? I do hope this was a joke entered into the search engine.
- “biggest butt ever” – Really?? Really? Did they have to go there? I know I have a big one, but BIGGEST butt EVER? That’s a bit harsh.
Searches related to my most recent hair change. I should post more things about my hair more often because these have been coming fast and furious these searches. A lot of women opting for a darker warmer shade in the winter perhaps? Or deciding that Gwen Stefani really is their idol?
- “home bleached hair” – Oh God. Home bleaching? I dread to think how that will turn out for the poor person. Green tints perhaps? No, please go to the salon. Please do us all a favor and go.
- “dark hair fringe” – ‘Fringe’ is ‘bangs’ for all those Americans out there! Glad to see this blog is international.
- “blonde to brunette before and after” – This was probably similar to what I searched when I was deciding. Good search! Good search!
- “bleach blonde ladys” – Could have at least tried a bit harder to get the spelling right, don’t you think?
- “bleach blonde hair now” – I like how they added the “now” as if that will really change the relevant results. As if, if they didn’t put NOW in the search, then google might decide to wait a few hours before processing their request, or worse, they’d give them results that were from 1952!
- “dark hair bleached bangs” – That’s just wrong. Can you imagine someone walking around with dark hair and bleached fringe or bangs? Awful awful choice in hair color. I strongly urge whomever is looking up this blog using those keywords to desist! Cease and desist!
- “what I look like when I’m sick” – Not sure if this is how I looked with the bleached blonde hair, but again, a bit rude. Glad to know that Lady Who Lunches correlates to “What I look like When I’m Sick.” Again, what does that even mean?
Searches that may or may not have to do with porn. Some might argue that the big butt searches above are all porn related, but I prefer to think of them as people just curious what it would like to have a large rump.
- “photos girls temptation and excitement 2009” – Wow. Very specific. VERY. I honestly don’t know what to say about this one.
- “lady excitement” – That’s me folks MISS LADY EXCITEMENT! Do you think this person is the same as the one above but decided he/she needed to narrow down the keywords since the keywords above only returned my blog as relevant? And they certainly weren’t happy with that answer. But alas, lady excitement brought me up again. I really am so exciting, aren’t I?
Searches extremely relevant and that make me proud to own my blog:
- “English weddings” – Only based on the weddings we went to this summer. Nothing more! Don’t get any ideas mom, dad and Charlie! Awww, I wonder if the person searching was in my situation and was marrying an English gent. Awwwwwww.
- “mumbles wales” – This town was surely named after me. Jock even bought me a bookmark with the name “Mumbles” written on it. Anyone who knows me knows my tendency to mesh my words together. My poor own mother has trouble understanding me sometimes. And yes, I did happen to write about our visit to Mumbles and Swansea.
- “social networking and internet obsession” – A rather recent blog entry. Glad to know I’m not the only one who suffers from this disease. I wonder if they have support groups for people with internet obsession? …a quick google search later and I find The Center for Internet Addiction…your source since 1995. Wow! Since 1995! Surely there wasn’t enough material on the web for someone to be addicted to it in 1995?! Well, luckily for all of us, if you wish to test whether or not you suffer from “an impulse control disorder most comparable to pathological gambling because of overlapping criteria,” then you can take a test to do a it of self-help. The irony of it all is that through trying to do some research on internet addiction, I have found that I just lost twenty minutes of my day through clicking and going over more information. Maybe I do have a problem after all…
- “lahloo tea” – Always nice to be linked to this gorgeous tea company.
- “dickie mack’s” – Surprisingly not porn related, but the best little pub in Ireland that we found along the way that boasts the most colorful owner of a pub yet. I hope whomever finds their way their has as unique experience as I did.
- “do they have proms at Baltimore School for the Arts?” – My high school. And the answer I hope they find is YES. We do have proms at BSA. Or at least DID. A decade ago. Fuck. I’m getting old. GO! It will be one of the best experiences of your life. Trust me.
Finally. Random searches that are just funny.
- “Jock Gorilla” – My boyfriend can sometimes monkey around, but he’s certainly not a Gorilla. The one in Bristol Zoo is though.
- “Elton John and friends” – Really can’t figure this one out. I love Elton John, but don’t know any of his friends and certainly haven’t blogged about such. Although Elton certainly might be a lady who lunches…
- “mal model blonde” – I’m pretty sure they meant MALE, but hey, if they want to call me a mal model blonde, then so be it! Perhaps to Jock the Gorilla I am a MAL model blond?
- “boatsure” – No idea. Didn’t realize you could put these two words together to make one….
And there you have it. My blog summed up in searches done by random people across the globe. Thank you for reading. Good night!